Mana eva manushyanam karanam bandha mokshayoho. As this Sanskrit saying goes, “As the mind, so the man; bondage or liberation are in your own mind.” Any yogi who has ever experienced growth in her practice feels the essence of this message transcribed on the mat. As a pose that you thought you couldn’t do becomes possible and even comfortable, reflection on your journey can lead to understanding that often, a shift in attitude or perception is all that is necessary to accomplish a goal with positivity and flow, rather than negativity and strife.
Asana is one of those amazing things that teaches you about your self – emotions, habits, thoughts – your habitual thoughts even. Every movement you make on the mat is uniquely you and informed by your body and your experience of this life. For example, how you move into Uttanasana (Standing Forward Bend) intimately reflects your underlying mind. Do you flop forward with no thought to the comfort or your neck and safety of your low back? Or do you lower down with awareness to hold the back strong, contract the belly and soften the neck as you exhale completely, not worrying about whether your nose touches your knees? “Forcing yourself into an ideal posture is, likewise, different from using the posture as a tool or guide to discover your limits and follow your energy,” says Diana Alstad, a lecturer on yoga and relationship for over 30 years. The same two movements may look similar, but the underlying level of awareness makes a big difference in how that transition feels as well as how your body responds. As you use your awareness, your relationship with the pose has changed – you are judging less, listening more and feeling more at ease. And who doesn’t want that in any relationship?
Off the Mat, Into the Heart
Taking these lessons off the mat can feel quite challenging. While it is easier to be virtuous and focused during an hour or two of your day, using the lessons you learned through listening to the feedback from your body during asana practice can seem elusive and hard to hold on to. “Many things ordinarily considered “negative” that happen in relationships, such as anger, resentment and guilt, can be looked at non-evaluatively as feedback and used to determine where limits lie. “Feedback” is one part of a system telling another part how it is being affected. Yoga has much to teach in this domain because refining and understanding feedback processes are at the heart of it. Pain is one of the stronger kinds of feedback and can be a great teacher.” (Alstad)
A great way to use your yoga practice to inform your relationships is to think about those moments when you fall, off balance from Standing Big Toe Pose or maybe Half-Moon Pose. You instantly use the feedback your body is giving you and adjust – maybe you don’t extend your leg all the way or lift it a little less high. Maybe you attempt a modification to deal with a physical limitation or use a prop; Maybe you try again and fall again. All of these efforts are your interpretation of the feedback you’ve been given and a renegotiation with your body to find some version of the pose where you can still experience the freedom of the breath and the opening of the body, without straining or hurting yourself. This is the essence of relationship in yoga. Your relationship with your body is at the heart of your practice, and the better you get at listening and adjusting while not hurting your body, the more you can learn about relationship with other beings and their bodies. This is a practice that can lead to great happiness, as you learn to adjust to the balance between continuity and change.Your heart is more open, and the more you can be open to give and receive love, your capacity for the expansion of love in your life grows exponentially.
Meditation as a Tool for Relationship
Buddhas do not wash away ill deeds with water,
Nor remove sufferings with their hands,
Nor transfer their realizations to others.
Beings are freed through the teaching of truth,
the nature of things.
-Buddha
Just as asana teaches the truth, the nature of things within one’s own body, meditation can be that same tool for the mind. There is a type of meditation that occurs during asana, but sitting for meditation can help you discover the true nature of any situation. As you learn to navigate the stillness of your being, the more you can understand the mind, spirit and body all melding and meshing together to make who you are in this moment. Taking the time to let the dust settle in your head, to allow the rushing river of thought to pass you by, can endlessly inform your relationship to all things. When we do this, we develop skillfulness in how we relate to others, as we can see more clearly the reality or the truth of each moment. When we learn to treat others with relational skillfulness, we are practicing yoga. The ultimate goal of yoga is union – union with the divine essence in ourselves and the world around us. And that, my friends, is a relationship worth working towards.
The author, Anna Ferguson, is a yoga teacher, artist, photographer and writer. She teaches weekly classes at Asheville Yoga Center and other studios in Asheville, NC. Find out more about her at ushasyoga.com.
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